I cannot stress to you enough the impact Zack Morris had on my life.
Every day before and after elementary school I watched reruns of “Saved By The Bell”. Sure, the show was funny. But really I was studying Zack Morris.
Zack Morris was the epitome of cool. The slicked back bleached blonde hair. The giant cell phone. The swagger.
(Also he could stop time. That was kind of weird. But totally awesome.) Continue reading
There I was, just an ordinary kid, on the precipice of the most important night of my life: the fifth-grade dance. If I had learned anything from watching hours of “Saved By The Bell” every morning before school, it was that true love is born at school dances.
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Desperately desiring a girlfriend, I knew I needed to enhance my appearance for this night. This was my first school dance. It had to be perfect.
I picked out a snazzy shirt from my closet. I doused myself in drug-store cologne. I slicked my hair back and sprayed it down until it was brittle.
I looked good.
My best friend and I gave each other pep talks in the car on the way to the dance. I arrived with confidence, ready to find true love and dance the night away.
Instead, I spent the night stuffing my face with cookies and candy bars, standing scared against the wall for two straight hours. Continue reading
POP GOD 